October 20, 2010

Sometimes it is such a pleasure to wait on small children. I had the cutest little guy at one of my tables last night. He couldn't have been more than three or four years old. He looked up at me with the biggest blue eyes and blond hair and said "I can speak Spanish"! I said really? What can you say? He said B I N GO and Bingo was his namO! I couldn't stop laughing! I told him that if you put a vowel on the end of every word, I guess you can be bilingual. He made my night.

October 12, 2010

Five Things that Tick Off Servers:

1. “Do you like it when people come over to your house and move your furniture around? Yeah, neither do we. We especially don’t like it when you decide to put chairs where we normally have people (i.e. our staff) walking.

I’m sorry, but we haven’t been waiting around all day for you and your ten friends to pop in - moreover, there was actually some logic and planning that went into putting the tables and chairs where we have them, so leave them the f#@$ alone!”

2. “I love how a restaurant is expected to acknowledge your birthday like it’s a national holiday or something. Who invented the rule that you get a free dessert on your birthday in a restaurant? I guess we have T.G.I.Friday’s and Bennigan’s to thank for exploiting servers as they, the servers, clap their hands and chant a birthday cheer.

You don’t get a free pair of gloves or socks from Old Navy when you buy an outfit on your birthday.

3. “One of my all time favorites: People’s utter disregard for hours of operation. ‘Oh, you all are closed? OK, well, I just get some food to go.’ No, I don’t think you get it - we’re closed. Not only can you not cash a check at the bank 30 seconds after they close - the old man locking the door actually takes pleasure in locking the door on you. In some banks, the tellers even have a nice panoramic window to gaze out of and laugh at all the folks who didn’t make it in on time.

4. “You know what happens when you’re late for a flight? You miss it! You know what happens when you’re late to the movies? It starts despite the fact that you’re not there. Why are we obligated to hold your table when you’re late? Oh, you hit traffic. What’s that? - I’ve never heard of traffic. And what's worse, you get to your table of ten when only two of you are on time and sit and wait and wait and wait until the rest of your party shows up asking for bread, bread, and could we have some more bread? We are starving!!!

5. “Why do people always seem to call the restaurant at the absolute worst time (i.e. between 12:45 and 1:30 p.m. and 7 and 9 p.m.) to inquire about our menu or make a reservation?

‘Yes, please tell me about your food’ Really? Do you not have access to the World Wide Web? It’s great when they request a verbal tour of the menu. And, why is it that all these people share an uncanny, common denominator - they all talk so slow!

Or - how about when people call to make a reservation and the conversation actually turns into a conference call? This is especially entertaining when the person is in a car with a multiple talkative passengers, or the other people in the conversation are in another room of the house probably watching college football.

The person you are on the other end of the phone with is still conferring with the others: ‘What time do you want to eat? I don’t know. Is eight too late? How hungry are you? Do you think you’ll be busy at 7:30? They don’t have anything until 8:15.’”